Social Awareness

Kindness Cannot Change Abusive Behaviour

What is a safer response if you sense someone is becoming controlling or abusive?

The situation

Someone keeps treating you badly, but you hope that offering more kindness might improve the relationship.

What is a safer response if you sense someone is becoming controlling or abusive?

A. Give them more private information so they trust you.B. Set boundaries, reduce risky contact if possible, keep records if safe, and speak to trusted or professional support.C. Promise you will never leave if they calm down.D. Keep the problem secret so they do not feel embarrassed.

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Another perspective

When people keep telling you your opinion is wrong

Whenever you share an opinion or belief, some people argue, tell you that you are wrong or judge your character. Sometimes they give a reason; other times they simply dismiss you. You start doubting yourself, but you also do not want to become someone who refuses to learn. How can you tell whether your view is reasonable without needing everyone to approve of it?

When a work call makes your day off feel unsafe

Your manager calls without warning in the evenings, at weekends and even during your holiday. Sometimes they shout or blame you before you can explain. Even on days when nobody calls, you keep checking your phone and worry about what might happen if you miss it. You struggle to enjoy time with family, feel tense when your phone rings and find it difficult to switch off. Someone says, 'It is only a short phone call. Why let it spoil your whole day?'

Always available: when work takes over your life

Your job regularly spills into evenings and weekends. You are expected to answer messages at any time, even during meals or time off. You feel guilty switching off, sleep poorly, struggle to concentrate and feel increasingly irritable and exhausted. A colleague says, 'Everyone works like this. Your body will get used to it.' You wonder how long you can keep going before you burn out.

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